ABOUT OUR EXPERT
Dr Grob-Zakhary is the founder and CEO of Education.org, a non-profit foundation that partners with governments and education system leaders to improve learning outcomes by distilling complex evidence into actionable guidance. With a background in medicine and neuroscience, she moved into global education driven by a passion to bridge the gap between knowledge and practice. She is an established speaker and author, having written numerous works on early childhood education, including BABYBOOST: Fifty Things About Babies & Toddlers Every Parent Should Know.
When we talk about a child’s ‘upstairs brain’, we mean the part that helps them think clearly, solve problems and manage their feelings. It’s where focus, memory and self-control live. But the upstairs brain is delicate. When a child feels safe and comforted — through a calm word, a steady routine or a caring touch — it stays switched on. That’s when they can listen, learn and make good choices.
When stress hits, the brain flips into ‘survival mode’. The upstairs brain goes quiet, and the ‘downstairs brain’ takes over — fuelling big emotions such as anger or fear, and quick reactions like fight, flight or freeze.
Gentle, consistent responses from adults can bring the upstairs brain back online. Small acts, such as naming an emotion or keeping routines steady, help children reconnect and feel safe to learn again.
The brain is like a house with two floors: ‘downstairs’ for basic needs and emotions, and ‘upstairs’ for thinking and planning. It is important to build the ‘stairs’ to connect or balance both parts for better emotional regulation and decision-making.
RESPOND WITH EMPATHY
In the early years, children’s brains are still wiring up the pathways that shape how they handle stress, focus and connect with others. Understanding the distinction between the upstairs and downstairs brain helps adults see misbehaviour not as wilful disobedience, but as a signal that a child is seeking safety and reassurance from a trusted caregiver. Rather than reacting with frustration, we can respond with a calm voice and steady presence, helping the child re-engage their upstairs brain and begin to regulate their emotions.
For children with anxiety, trauma or neurodivergent needs (e.g. attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or autism), this understanding is even more important. Their brains may be especially sensitive to change, sensory input or stress, which means their upstairs brain can go offline more quickly. What appears to be misbehaviour may actually be sensory overload or a need for predictability. With the right response, such as familiar routines or simply giving them space to regroup, adults can help them feel safe and supported again.
EDUCATORS AS THE ‘EMOTIONAL CLIMATE’ OF THE CLASSROOM
Every classroom has a ‘climate’ — it can feel calm and sunny, or stormy and unsettled. The greatest influence on that climate is not the curriculum or even the noise level, but the educator. Children look to their teachers as emotional barometers. A calm voice, warm smile and predictable routines can make the whole room feel safe. On the other hand, if the teacher is rushed, irritable or distracted, children often mirror that mood.
A safe, positive climate keeps children’s upstairs brains ‘online’ and ready to learn. It encourages curiosity, risk-taking and resilience. Even in overcrowded or resource-limited settings, an educator’s steady presence can set the tone for growth.
In practice, this might be as simple as greeting each child by name in the morning, pausing to take a breath before responding to misbehaviour, or repairing a moment of disconnection with kindness. These small, intentional choices create an atmosphere where children feel seen, supported and ready to learn.
HOW TO DEAL WITH EVERYDAY TRIGGERS
Everyday stressors can quickly pull children into their downstairs brain. What may look like defiance is often just a young brain overwhelmed by emotions. With foresight, adults can reduce these triggers or respond in ways that help children return to calm.
Common preschool scenarios:
- Toy conflict: Two children reach for the same truck and start to argue. Instead of scolding them, the educator can acknowledge: “You both want this. Let’s set a timer so each of you has a turn.”
- Separation anxiety: A child cries at drop-off when a parent leaves. A gentle, consistent parent-child ritual, like a goodbye song or special handshake, can ease the transition.
- Overstimulation: A child becomes unsettled by too much noise during circle time. The educator can lower her own voice and encourage the group to follow, helping everyone settle.
- Feeling shamed: A child is corrected loudly in front of peers. A calmer approach is to pull the child aside and say quietly, “I see you’re upset. Let’s talk about it together.”
- Unexpected change in routine: Outdoor play is cancelled because of rain. Preparing the children with a positive alternative (e.g. “Today we’ll have a rainy-day game indoors!”) helps keep their upstairs brain engaged.
WORK WITH PARENTS
Just as educators set the mood in the classroom, parents set the tone at home. When parents and educators work together to create steady emotional climates, children feel secure and grow more resilient. This gives them confidence to both cope and flourish.
Strategies to consider include:
- Shared routines: If the preschool plays a lullaby during naptime, parents might sing a gentle song before bedtime at home too. Familiar signals help children feel secure.
- Common language: If parents and educators both use the same phrase when a child is upset (e.g. “Let’s take a calm breath”), the child learns one simple, reliable tool they can use anywhere.
Being consistent doesn’t mean being perfect. What matters most is that children can trust the adults around them to respond with steadiness and care. That sense of trust becomes the foundation for their confidence, resilience and love of learning.
